dealing-with-loss

“Dealing With Loss” Collaboration Series

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Dealing with Loss: Am I Worth It?

I didn’t understand what they saw in me. They all had a lot of faith in me. And despite my very frequent failures, they continued to display the self-confidence I was supposed to have.

Yep. Meet Jane Love… total nobody and complete coward – afraid to try new things for fear of failure. Many of you who have come to know me will find that hard to believe. The Jane you know today seems to be the complete opposite of what I described.

But, believe it or not, current Jane was once that Jane not too long ago.

 

Where It Began

I’d heard tales of geniuses who got the hang of everything within their initial attempt. Unfortunately for me, everything thing I tried to do almost always turned out to be a disaster.

As a result, my life was ruled by the fear of new things. If you don’t try it, how can you mess it up? I cannot recall how many times exactly I used this question to reassure myself of my absurd fear. I became timid and drawn in – pushing everyone away… feeding the vibes of negativity. Feats I may have accomplished, I shied away from. I was preventing anyone from being disappointed by me. Or so I thought.

Even the ones I could muster courage to do ended up somewhat disastrous. Thus, my misled belief of being a failure was backed up all the more.


Illustrating my point

I’ve had a four-year public speaking background. However, it didn’t necessarily mean I was as confident as I currently am. In fact, my first year was full of stage fright, extreme cases of nervousness (and hence, nail biting) and massive (though currently embarrassing to think of) levels of shyness.

Yes, this girl was so shy she almost flunked a class because the teacher was new and she didn’t participate much in his classes. To cut things short, I did more harm to the causes I spoke for than help.

Why? Simply because my past falls instilled the mindset of a failure into me. Thus, removing any atom of self-confidence I had. And as we are ruled by the way we think, I had no other option than to fail.

 

My Turning Point

By the second year, I was frustrated. I was passionate about public speaking yet here I was flunking at it. I was on the verge of calling it quits.

Then one day, I suddenly felt an urge to do something I rarely did – REFLECT. You see, many like to “reflect” and see how far they have progressed. Yet a lot of them are going about it the wrong way. Some choose to focus solely on the good times and others the bad.

I know no one likes to remember bad moments of their lives. But it is essential that you sometimes do. Not to be mournful over but to learn from your mistakes and not be caught in similar situations again.

Every incident in life has three parts – pre-stance, instance and post-stance (some of these words don’t exist, by the way… my creations).  All carry valuable lessons yet we sometimes prefer to ignore the pre- and post-stances and focus mainly on the instance. Often this occurs when the circumstance has a negative ring to it.

This is not advisable especially if you are someone who is what I once was.

So that day, I tried to “reflect” – focusing on recalling the pre, post and not in-stance of past failures. That moment was an eye opener. What I discovered has transformed me into the beacon of self-confidence I am today.

 

My Rediscovery of Self-Confidence

I realized that before each public speaking attempt, my family, friends and colleagues would encourage and display their complete faith in my being successful and effective. And even after I had let them down, their perception of me didn’t change a bit. I was still the girl who had the ability to do wonders to them.

Although the only thing I had been doing so far was getting close to entering The Guinness Book of World Records for the most number of times I failed at an activity.

I also spent some time with the Word of God rediscovering what God says about me. I was amazed about how much faith and trust God had in someone like me. Trust that I would utilize the talents he had bestowed upon me.

Then, it hit me!! Like literally hit me because I recall having a serious headache after that thought:

“If they (God inclusive) were so willing to believe in me, why couldn’t I muster the courage to believe in myself?

I spent the rest of the day thinking about it. And I decided, from then onwards, that my confessions about and to myself were going to change. Hence, I began to imitate my well-wishers’ encouragement approach personally.

The result? Introducing the new and refined Jane Love of today.

 

My Note to You

Dear Reader,

That was MY story of how I dealt with the loss of self-confidence. What I want you to understand is that you are unique in every way. You have people who love you and are constantly cheering you on. For those who may argue otherwise, you’ve got me rooting for you.

“You can do it!! You can achieve your goal!! You can be the people you so desire to be!!

Like my good friend, Ben Aqiba once shared with me:

“Do not compare your beginnings with someone else endings”

Do not be afraid to chance upon failure. However, just remember to pick yourself up better than you were before you met it. So, If God and I believe in you, why don’t you try believing in yourself?

Sincerely,

Jane Love.

 

Shout out to my fellow collaborators:

Many thanks to Tajwarr Fatma (my twin) for initiating this collaboration. It has been really fun and I look forward to our next one.

#HJTruth #HarmoniousJoy #HJCommunity #HJTruthers


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30 comments

  1. This is amazing, Dynamite! You were shy??? What??? Ha ha. I love this. We fail and fail and fail, but each time we get closer to our goals. I love this, “If they (God inclusive) were so willing to believe in me, why couldn’t I muster the courage to believe in myself?” Oh, yeah! I can relate. I believe in you for sure! I’m very lucky to have you in our littler WordPress family. You are wise beyond your years. ❤️​
    Ipuna Black recently posted…Coping with the Loss of Health: How My Son Survived Guillain-Barre Syndrome and EncephalitisMy Profile

    1. Believe it or not, I was terribly so. I wasn’t always as wild as I am with you guys. 😀 😀
      Thank you for believing in me and for having me. It’s a privilege to a part of this wonderful family.
      Lots of love to you. ❤️​❤️​❤️​
      Jane Love recently posted…Jane Love Poetry #4My Profile

  2. I love your post! I can relate to the old Jane. The old Jane sounds a lot like the old Altea. Shy. No self-confidence. Terrified of failing. I’ve still got a lot of work to do. But you’ve got a lot figured out already. As Ipuna said, you’re wise beyond your years.

      1. I’ve stopped putting myself down. I know my strengths. I know my weaknesses. These days, I don’t beat myself up about my weaknesses. Instead, I manage them with my strengths. So maybe my aura has more confident light these days. Thanks for that!
        Lots of love back at you <3
        Altea

  3. You are sixteen going on seventeen? And I’m seventy seventy going on? Who knows? The way things are looking, both You & I go on & on forever! How is that? Father has a sense of humor to baffle the skeptics.
    Least it amuses me how the Father distributes His wisdom among His children. Lots of seventies plus He gives a good portion. Not to too many sixteens He gives a larger portion but! He turns around and! He pairs the two–sixteens & seventies, what on earth is He up to? Ah! His wisdom is unfathomable.
    No use to try to figure it out. Best thing to do? Hum! Got to wait on Him to decipher the matter as He establishes our relationship. Ah! It all goes along with His plan to restore us all to the original intent for our creation.
    Love the parallel in our lives. So glad you so freely shared your heart for our benefit. Behold! The power of His love from on high. It never fails. It always avails! Much love, thiaBasilia. 🙂

  4. Yes, thiaBasilia. It’s funny how God works.
    God works in marvelous ways. Jeremiah 29:11 verifies it. The plans he has for us are for our upliftment and prosperity. His steadfast love never ceases.
    Glory to God, Hallelujah!! Thanks for reading!
    God bless you.
    Jane Love recently posted…Jane Love Poetry #3My Profile

  5. You are much more mature than I was at sixteen. And you have a whole lot to give, that you’re in the process of doing…good for you!

    There’s a book — I forget the author’s name, but it’s called ADAPT: Why Every Success Begins with Failure (I hope I got the subtitle right). I read this book a while ago and thought it was quite inspirational, because it reminded me that you have to want to work hard in order to fail — and that every “success” that we see is built on the backs of multitudinous failures.

    Your post reminded me of that book. (In a very good way!)

    1. 😀 😀 Thank you for your kind words.
      And OMG!! I’ve also read excerpts from that book!! I really liked it. I plan on getting the complete book soon and reading it completely. And yeah, you almost got it – Adapt: Why Success Always Starts with Failure
      As I have been saying, it’s an honor to work with you guys. You and Addison D’Marko bring strength to the group. Thank you for being you and continuing to be the fighter you are. ❤️​❤️​❤️​
      Jane Love recently posted…Jane Love Poetry #3My Profile

  6. Whoa, you’re definitely way more matured than I was at 16! You’re incredible to have turned your thinking of the failures around and become so self-confident! Definitely a role model for me. 😀

    1. Ha ha!! Thank you, Nicolle. 😀
      I feel very privileged to have you as part of our collaborative team. Thank you for your amazing contribution with Emily. She’s one great cat. 😉
      Lots of love to you. 😀
      Jane Love recently posted…Jane Love Poetry #3My Profile

  7. Hello dear
    Am so touched by story.
    Really, its very educative.
    And we are so lucky and blessed to have learn from your experience. God bess and keep you always.
    Much love

  8. So beautifully written Janie! Initially even I was a person who just couldn’t stand on a stage. Eventually I too realised that the only barrier has been just me! The only way we can all enjoy and relish our lives is by being who we are and never trying to be something or someone that isn’t true!
    Like you’ve said, there are people who will always be there no matter who we are. This is the beauty of life, it’s complicated but there are pillars around us which hold us. We need to acknowledge the pillars by living their expectations!
    You bring goosebumps to me Janie and I really want to see you on top of the world. You are and will always be my dynamite! I wish I get a chance to meet this dynamite in person!

    1. Aww, Rainforest. Thank you so much. Your words have touched my heart.
      😭 😭 😭
      Thank you for believing in me.
      I’m honored to be a part of our WordPress family. You guys hold a very special place in my heart. And who knows? Hopefully our medical journey will cross our paths in person, my dear Doctor.
      But one thing is certain – you can always count on me.
      Lots of love to you, our handsome friend. 🙂 😀 ❤️​❤️​❤️​
      Jane Love recently posted…Jane Love Poetry #3My Profile

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