Dealing with Loss: Am I Worth It?
I didn’t understand what they saw in me. They all had a lot of faith in me. And despite my very frequent failures, they continued to display the self-confidence I was supposed to have.
Yep. Meet Jane Love… total nobody and complete coward – afraid to try new things for fear of failure. Many of you who have come to know me will find that hard to believe. The Jane you know today seems to be the complete opposite of what I described.
But, believe it or not, current Jane was once that Jane not too long ago.
Where It Began
I’d heard tales of geniuses who got the hang of everything within their initial attempt. Unfortunately for me, everything thing I tried to do almost always turned out to be a disaster.
As a result, my life was ruled by the fear of new things. If you don’t try it, how can you mess it up? I cannot recall how many times exactly I used this question to reassure myself of my absurd fear. I became timid and drawn in – pushing everyone away… feeding the vibes of negativity. Feats I may have accomplished, I shied away from. I was preventing anyone from being disappointed by me. Or so I thought.
Even the ones I could muster courage to do ended up somewhat disastrous. Thus, my misled belief of being a failure was backed up all the more.
Illustrating my point
I’ve had a four-year public speaking background. However, it didn’t necessarily mean I was as confident as I currently am. In fact, my first year was full of stage fright, extreme cases of nervousness (and hence, nail biting) and massive (though currently embarrassing to think of) levels of shyness.
Yes, this girl was so shy she almost flunked a class because the teacher was new and she didn’t participate much in his classes. To cut things short, I did more harm to the causes I spoke for than help.
Why? Simply because my past falls instilled the mindset of a failure into me. Thus, removing any atom of self-confidence I had. And as we are ruled by the way we think, I had no other option than to fail.
My Turning Point
By the second year, I was frustrated. I was passionate about public speaking yet here I was flunking at it. I was on the verge of calling it quits.
Then one day, I suddenly felt an urge to do something I rarely did – REFLECT. You see, many like to “reflect” and see how far they have progressed. Yet a lot of them are going about it the wrong way. Some choose to focus solely on the good times and others the bad.
I know no one likes to remember bad moments of their lives. But it is essential that you sometimes do. Not to be mournful over but to learn from your mistakes and not be caught in similar situations again.
Every incident in life has three parts – pre-stance, instance and post-stance (some of these words don’t exist, by the way… my creations). All carry valuable lessons yet we sometimes prefer to ignore the pre- and post-stances and focus mainly on the instance. Often this occurs when the circumstance has a negative ring to it.
This is not advisable especially if you are someone who is what I once was.
So that day, I tried to “reflect” – focusing on recalling the pre, post and not in-stance of past failures. That moment was an eye opener. What I discovered has transformed me into the beacon of self-confidence I am today.
My Rediscovery of Self-Confidence
I realized that before each public speaking attempt, my family, friends and colleagues would encourage and display their complete faith in my being successful and effective. And even after I had let them down, their perception of me didn’t change a bit. I was still the girl who had the ability to do wonders to them.
Although the only thing I had been doing so far was getting close to entering The Guinness Book of World Records for the most number of times I failed at an activity.
I also spent some time with the Word of God rediscovering what God says about me. I was amazed about how much faith and trust God had in someone like me. Trust that I would utilize the talents he had bestowed upon me.
Then, it hit me!! Like literally hit me because I recall having a serious headache after that thought:
“If they (God inclusive) were so willing to believe in me, why couldn’t I muster the courage to believe in myself?
I spent the rest of the day thinking about it. And I decided, from then onwards, that my confessions about and to myself were going to change. Hence, I began to imitate my well-wishers’ encouragement approach personally.
The result? Introducing the new and refined Jane Love of today.
My Note to You
That was MY story of how I dealt with the loss of self-confidence. What I want you to understand is that you are unique in every way. You have people who love you and are constantly cheering you on. For those who may argue otherwise, you’ve got me rooting for you.
“You can do it!! You can achieve your goal!! You can be the people you so desire to be!!
Like my good friend, Ben Aqiba once shared with me:
“Do not compare your beginnings with someone else endings”
Do not be afraid to chance upon failure. However, just remember to pick yourself up better than you were before you met it. So, If God and I believe in you, why don’t you try believing in yourself?
Shout out to my fellow collaborators:
- Addison D’Marko: The Loss of a Loved One
- Ajibola Sunday: Rising Above Life’s Bitter Lemons (Disappointment, Heartbreak, Failure & Loss)
- Altea Addison: Tomorrow, Today Will Become Yesterday
- Barb Caffrey: Losing My Husband Changed Everything
- Ipuna Black: Coping With The Loss Of Health
- Nicolle K.: Collaboration with a Purpose: Loss – My Cat’s Death, Realisation and Goodbye
- Jothish Joseph: The Defining loss!!
- Sadaf Siddiqi: Found via Loss!
- Tajwar Fatma: 7.1 Billion people on this globe, why let one person (break-up) dictate you?
Many thanks to Tajwarr Fatma (my twin) for initiating this collaboration. It has been really fun and I look forward to our next one.
#HJTruth #HarmoniousJoy #HJCommunity #HJTruthers
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