EMOTIONAL ABUSE

SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE IN A RELATIONSHIP

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WHEN WE TALK OF ABUSE IN A RELATIONSHIP, WE IMMEDIATELY THINK DOMESTIC AND PHYSICAL VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN. THAT IS UNDERSTANDABLE, CONSIDERING THE FACT THAT A MAJORITY OF THE VICTIMS OF PHYSICAL ABUSE IN A RELATIONSHIP ARE WOMEN. HOWEVER, THERE ARE OTHER FORMS OF RELATIONSHIP ABUSE THAT ARE JUST AS, OR EVEN MORE, DAMAGING TO A PERSON AS/THAN DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. EMOTIONAL ABUSE IS ONE FORM OF ABUSE THAT IS AN INSIDIOUS KILLER IN A RELATIONSHIP.

 

WHETHER ITS IN A MARRIAGE, COURTSHIP, DATING RELATIONSHIP, AMONG SIBLINGS, OR EVEN WITH FRIENDS, EMOTIONAL ABUSE IS ONE TYPE OF ABUSE THAT CAN BE PARTICULARLY DANGEROUS TO THE WELL-BEING OF THE VICTIMS. THIS IS BECAUSE IT LEAVES NO PHYSICAL MARK FOR OTHERS TO SPOT.  YES, THE PERSON IS NOT BATTERED OR BRUISED, BUT HE/SHE IS SLOWLY DYING ON THE INSIDE. AND USUALLY, NOBODY NOTICES IT UNTIL SERIOUS DAMAGE HAS BEEN DONE.

WHAT IS EMOTIONAL ABUSE IN A RELATIONSHIP

EMOTIONAL ABUSE IN A RELATIONSHIP CAN BE DEFINED AS A PATTERN OF DEROGATORY AND OFFENSIVE BEHAVIORS THAT ARE USED TO EXERCISE CONTROL OVER THE LIFE OF A SPOUSE, OR PARTNER IN RELATIONSHIP. THIS IS NORMALLY ACHIEVED USING TACTICS SUCH AS INTIMIDATION, HUMILIATION, FEAR, GUILT, BETRAYAL, COERCION, CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR, MANIPULATION, AND ISOLATION.

OTHER TYPES OF ABUSE, LIKE VERBAL ABUSE AND FINANCIAL ABUSE, CAN ALSO BE USE TO EMOTIONALLY ABUSE A PERSON. NAME CALLING, YELLING, SHAMING, AND STRICT MONEY CONTROL WOULD BE EXAMPLES OF SUCH.

EMOTIONAL ABUSE IS A TYPE OF PSYCHOLOGICAL OR MENTAL ABUSE THAT CRIPPLES SELF-ESTEEM AND INDEPENDENCE. IT SLOWLY BUT STEADILY CONSUMES YOUR JOY AND SENSE OF WELL-BEING. AND AS IT ESCALATES, WITH TIME, IT ALSO CONSUMES YOUR MENTAL HEALTH, DRIVING YOU TO A STATE OF DEPRESSION, SELF DOUBT AND SHAME.

CONSEQUENTLY, THE VICTIM IS LEFT IN AN ENTRENCHED STATE OF DEPRESSION AND LACK OF SELF-WORTH. THEY BLAME THEMSELVES FOR THE ABUSE, AND/OR BELIEVE THAT THERE IS NO WAY OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP. IN MANY CASES, THEY ALSO BELIEVE THAT, WITHOUT THEIR ABUSER, THEY HAVE NOTHING.

YES, THEY ARE NOT BATTERED OR BRUISED PHYSICALLY, BUT EMOTIONAL WOUNDS ARE VERY REAL AND DIFFICULT TO HEAL.

ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR IS NOT YOUR FAULT, IT IS THE ABUSER’S CHOICE.

A LOT OF THE TIME, ABUSERS CLAIM TO HAVE BEEN PROVOKED TO A POINT WHERE THEY LOST CONTROL. THEY FIND A WAY TO DENY RESPONSIBILITIES, AND PUSH THE BLAME ON THEIR VICTIMS.

IT WAS YOU FAULT. IF YOU HADNT DONE SO AND SO, I WOULDNT HAVE LOST CONTROL OF MY BEHAVIOR.”

BELIEVE ME, IT IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST LIES ABUSERS USE. THEY USE IT NOT ONLY TO JUSTIFY THEIR ACTIONS, BUT ALSO TO SUBDUE YOU INTO ACCEPTING THEIR MISCONDUCT, AND PRESSING NO CHARGES. IF YOU CAN ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT CAME YOUR WAY, THEN YOU WOULD BE LESS LIKELY TO REPORT THE ABUSE.

HOWEVER, EVEN IF YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG, IT WOULD NEVER JUSTIFY ANY FORM OF ABUSE.   JUST LIKE RAPE IS A CHOICE AND NOT A LOSS OF CONTROL, ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR IS ALSO A CHOICE. IT IS A CHOICE, ON THE PART OF THE ABUSER, TO EXERCISE CONTROL OVER YOU.

THEREFORE, AS A MATTER OF FACT, ABUSERS CONTROL THEIR ALL THE TIME. THEY CHOOSE WHEN AND WHERE TO ABUSE.

THREE IMPORTANT FACTS TO KNOW ABOUT ABUSERS AND ABUSIVE BEHAVIOUR

  1. ABUSERS DO NOT HIT ON EVERYBODY

EMOTIONAL ABUSETHEY ARE ALWAYS IN CONTROL OF THEIR BEHAVIOR. THAT IS WHY THEY JUST DONT INTIMIDATE OR HUMILIATE EVERYBODY WHO PROVOKES THEM, ON THE STREETS. THEY ARE AWARE OF THE REPERCUSSIONS OF SUCH FOOLISHNESS AND SO CONTROL THEIR RAGE.

NORMALLY, THEY RESERVE THEIR ABUSE FOR THOSE CLOSEST TO THEM. THESE PEOPLE ARE LIKELY TO BE MORE TOLERANT, AND FORGIVING, THAN A THE AVERAGE STRANGER.

 

  1. ABUSERS ARE CAREFUL WHERE AND WHEN TO ATTACK

THEY CONTROL THEMSELVES, AS LONG AS THERE ARE WITNESSES AROUND. BUT THEY OPEN FIRE WHEN YOU ARE ALONE. EVEN IF PROVOKED, THEY KNOW THAT PEOPLE ARE WATCHING, AND SO WILL WAIT FOR ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY.

 

  1. ABUSERS CAN DECIDE TO STOP AT WILL

SHOULD AN ABUSER NEED TO DO SO, HE/SHE IS ABLE TO STOP IMMEDIATELY. FOR EXAMPLE, WHEN A POLICE MAN SHOWS UP, NO MATTER HOW PROVOKED THE ABUSER MIGHT BE, THERE IS ALMOST ALWAYS AN EXERCISE OF CONTROL OVER HIS/HER ACTIONS. THIS GOES TO SHOW THAT HE/SHE IS NOT OUT OF CONTROL.

THEY JUST CHOOSE TO ABUSE IN ORDER TO CONTROL. 

 

10 SIGNS OF ABUSIVE PARTNERS AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE IN A RELATIONSHIP

EMOTIONAL ABUSEIF YOU EVER FIND A MAJORITY OF THESE SIGNS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP, YOU JUST MIGHT BE UNDER EMOTIONAL ABUSE BY YOUR PARTNER.

  1. YOUR PARTNER NEVER WANTS TO ACCEPT BLAME, BUT ALWAYS INSIST ON BEING RIGHT AND DOING THINGS HIS/HER WAY. THIS IS BECAUSE HE/SHE THINKS YOU ARE ALWAYS WRONG, AND INCAPABLE OF DOING MOST THINGS FOR YOURSELF.

 

  1. YOUR PARTNER NEGATIVELY JUDGES, AND EMBARRASSES YOU, ON PURPOSE IN FRONT OF PEOPLE. HE/SHE DOES THIS AS A WAY OF ERODING YOUR SELF-ESTEEM, WITH THE HOPE THAT YOU WOULD BECOME MORE DEPENDENT ON HIM/HER. ANY PROTEST, ON YOUR PART, IS MET WITH LAUGHTER AND A CLAIM THAT IT WAS JUST A JOKE”.

 

  1. YOUR PARTNER CRITICIZES ALL YOU DO. HE/SHE POINTS OUT EVERY SLIGHTEST FLAW, MAKING YOU FEEL LIKE YOU CANT DO ANYTHING RIGHT. HE/SHE DOES THIS TO REINFORCE THE LIE THAT YOU DONT KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR, AND SO SHOULD HAVE YOUR LIFE CONTROLLED FOR YOU.

 

  1. YOUR PARTNER CONSTANTLY WITHHOLDS AFFECTION, AS A FORM OF PUNISHMENT, WHEN YOU DO SOMETHING HE/SHE DOES NOT APPROVE OF. THIS IS DONE TO MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY AND COMPELLED TO COMPLY TO HIS/HER WISHES NEXT TIME.

 

  1. YOUR PARTNER SCOFFS OFF YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS AND DREAMS MAKING YOU FEEL INSIGNIFICANT. THIS IN TURN MAKES YOU DEVALUE YOURSELF AND BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE INDEED LUCK TO BE IN THE RELATIONSHIP. YOU BEGIN TO BELIEVE THE LIE THAT NOBODY ELSE WOULD WANT YOU.

 

  1. YOUR PARTNER OPENLY SHARES YOUR SECRETES AND PRIVATE MOMENT WITH OTHERS, KNOWING THAT IT IS AGAINST YOUR WISHES. THIS IN TURN MAKES YOU FEEL HELPLESS AND FRUSTRATED. IT CAN EVEN CAUSE YOU TO BELIEVE THAT HE/SHE IS IN CHARGE OF THE RELATIONSHIP, AND YOU HAVE NO SAY.

 

  1. YOUR PARTNER MAKES YOU FEEL GUILTY FOR WANTING TO BE ALONE, OR HANG OUT WITH FRIENDS.

 

  1. YOU PARTNER CONTROLS THE MONEY, AND CONTROLS WHAT, AND HOW MUCH, YOU SPEND THE MONEY ON. THIS MAKES YOU DEPENDENT ON HIM/HER BECAUSE YOU NEED APPROVAL BEFORE EXTRA MONEY CAN BE SPENT.

 

  1. YOUR PARTNER ACCUSES YOU THINGS THAT ARE NOT TRUE, AND DEMANDS THAT YOU PROVE YOUR LOVE”. THIS DEMAND CAN COME IN MANY FORMS, FROM SEXUAL DEMANDS TO ISOLATION FROM FAMILY AND FRIENDS.

 

  1. YOUR PARTNER NEVER SEEMS SATISFIED WITH YOU, AND YOUR EFFORTS IN THE RELATIONSHIP. THERE IS ALWAYS AN UNFAVORABLE COMPARISON WITH OTHERS OUTSIDE THE RELATIONSHIP. THIS MAKES YOU FEEL OBLIGED TO COMPLY WITH HIS/HER WISHES, IN AN EFFORT TO PROVE HIM/HER WRONG.

WHAT TO DO IF YOU FIND YOURSELF IN SUCH A RELATIONSHIP.

SEEK HELP FROM LOCAL SUPPORT SERVICES.

THERE ARE A LOT YOU CAN DO, AND WE WILL TALK ABOUT IT IN OUR NEXT ARTICLE.

AT THE MOMENT WE ARE OUT OF TIME. HOWEVER, I HOPE THIS HAS BEEN HELPFUL.

 

Hey there, use the Comment Section below to contribute or ask your questions. Please limit your comments to the topic at hand; other discussions should be done on the #HJTruthers community forum

#HJTruth #HarmoniousJoy #HJCommunity #HJTruthers


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7 comments

    1. THANKS DEAR, I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR COMMENTS. THEY ARE SO INSPIRATIONAL.

      DO YOU THINK THAT IT IS POSSIBLE TO HAVE A STRESS FREE RELATIONSHIP?

      👼👼👼👼👼

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